She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
