dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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