The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
