I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
