Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
