What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
