I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
