Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
