My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
