what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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