mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
