i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
