Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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