I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
