That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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