he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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