walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
