If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
