he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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