I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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