it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
