is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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