so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
