I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
