We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
