Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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