You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
