im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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