I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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