update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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