if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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