Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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