He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
