I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
