i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
