i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
