I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
