Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
