Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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