1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Acid is not a monday night drug
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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