I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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