even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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