I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
