we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
