I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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