Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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