i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
