I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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