she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
