im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
