I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
