OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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